Completely Audible Whispering

Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? I'm at the library, gettin' sars and shit, and there's these two assholes whispering to each other across the room, but it's completely audible to everyone. I mean, come on. . .

Aside from the point that it's a goddamn library, how hard is it to keep your voice down? Unless you're Gilbert-fucking-Gottfried, I don't see the problem. It's almost as if they learned to whisper from a cartoon. The whisper is so hammed up, it's almost like they're doing it to annoy you, as if to say, ;this is whisper conversation, but listen anyways, you dick!' The screechy, high pitch is enough to make me want to put a gun in my mouth.

Thank you, you've been a terrific audience.

PSA

It occurred to me soon after my last post about 'Lost' that this is becoming less of a funny-sort-of-thing, and more so me just complaining. As much as I'll try to curb the appearing trend, if it isn't your sort of thang, I apologize, and thank you for giving me a chance.

'Lost' is a Stupid Show

Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? What's with 'Lost' still being on the air? I mean, come on. . .

Now I'll admit, I haven't wasted my time watching all of 'Lost,' as I'd rather lose a bullet in my head, but I've watched enough of it that I feel I can pass fair judgment upon it. And my consensus? It's Fucking Stupid. My first exposure to the show came in my first year of university. I was young, I was naive, and I had terrible taste in television. After several fellow students recommended the show, I checked out the first couple episodes. I'll admit, the plane crash was cool, and the pilot episode is intriguing, but soon after the opening episodes, the tears in the show's logic begin to show. At first I thought it was going to be a tale of survival, like 'The Swiss Family Robinson.' But then dinosaurs and shit came in, and I was all like, W.T.Fuck? I pretty much stopped watching after that. Now the show is in it's like, tenth season, or something stupid, and from what I hear, the show has remained as shitty as I recall it being: people are still trapped on an island without a wicked tree house or monkey butlers, and non-nonsensical sci-fi elements are being applied without and sort of thought (I'm thinking namely, of the concept that the entire island is a vessel unsewn from the fabric of time, and\or space. . . DDDDURRRRR).

I have admiration for the genre of Science Fiction. It's not a favorite genre of mine, by any means, but I respect what it is, and what the idea stands for: creativity, imagination, and suspended disbelief. I also strongly believe that 'Lost' has raped all of the above concepts. There is no creativity or ingenuity in 'Lost.' If you'll allow me to quote imdb:

ABC picked up the show before there even was a script. J.J. Abrams and Damon Lindelof had only turned in an outline and based on this ABC picked up the show.(1)

Extrapolating from this fact, I strongly believe that the producers and writers of the show have absolutely no fucking idea what they're doing, what essence of the show is, or where it's going. However, I also believe that the show will go on for many more seasons, only getting more popular.

I'm sure that 'Lost' is entertaining. I remember being enthralled by the special effects when I watched the beginning of the show. But at what cost are we being entertained? The rape of a genre? The banishment of creativity and lineage? Don't take this out of context, but I think I'd rather watch survivor. I know they're pretty much beating a dead horse with it now, but at least it was innovative and creative in it's roots. When shows like 'Lost' are blindly followed for season after season, while genuine and inspired shows like 'It's Always Sunny in Philidalphia' struggle to get off the ground after the first season, it irks the shit out of me.

Thank you, you've been a terrific audience.

Homeless People

Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? What is with the degradation in the quality of homeless people these days? I mean come on. . .

Now I'll admit, I wasn't alive in the 50s, but I'm pretty damn sure that homeless people back then were optimistic, helpful and respectful to their fellow citizens and city. They were a quiet, but respectable type who, despite being industrious and self-sufficient, lived for the amusement of others. Like The Tramp:


Homeless people these days are assholes. Instead of one indigenous breed, there seems to be new species popping up every day: The crazy; The bag-lady; The drunk; The person too old to be homeless. If it wasn't already, the age of chivalry is now truly dead.

Homeless people are starting to forget their role. They're supposed to go through our garbage at night, looking for scraps, so that I don't feel wasteful for leaving a little bit of popcorn in the bottom of the bag. They're supposed to be parked on a milk crate with a harmonica and a busted up top hat, singing songs about boxcars, and famous hobos. This, sadly, is not the homeless person as it exists today. And until it is, I'm keeping my change in my pocket.

Thank you, you've been a terrific audience.

Identity Theft

Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? I was at work today, when some bitch complained about having her credit cards and ID stolen from her wallet. I figure she's probz going to have her identity stolen. I mean come on. . .

I'm sure it sucks to have your identity stolen, but it's a pretty easy crime to deter. Just make your identity shitty. Instead of paying for identity theft insurance, just go out and commit a disrespectful felony. Go molest a child, or something. Because when it comes down to it, nobody wants the identity of a child molester. Maybe that's a bit extreme, but there has to be a DIY way to avoid having your identity stolen. Or, you know, you could just be cautious with your belongings. Just sayin'. But like I mentioned, the women in the example seemed like kind of an asshole, so i pity the fool who represents her fraudulently.

Thank you, you've been a terrific audience.

Baby Names

Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? What is with baby names? I mean come on.

Naming a baby or child is different than naming an adult. Children have cute names like Billy or Matty. How is a human supposed to grow up normally, beginning at infancy, with a name like Winston, for example. People are not going to find a child with the name Winston cute. Children are not going to want to befriend, or share their sandwich with a kid named Winston. And there is no teacher that will play favorites to some asshole kid named Winston. And you know the kid is going to be an asshole, because his parents are obviously assholes for naming him Winston in the first place. And asshole is a dominant genetic trait.
You can't just throw 'baby' in as a prefix to a name, and expect it to be suitable for a baby. Parents need to take some responsibility for names.

Thank you, you've been a terrific audience.

Favorite Things

A video that I just leeched off another site I regularly visit.

Arbitrary Slang

Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? What's with people in the 50s saying things are the Bee's Knees? I mean come on.

What if a generation chose to say, instead of 'the bees knees' or that something is 'dope,' they chose 'This is the Balls in my Mouth?' For example, if i was conversing with my fellow teammate. Actually, let me rephrase that: For example, if I played sports, and I was conversing with a fellow teammate, commenting on a good play or something that he did, and I just shouted out, "Hey bro, that was a great pass! You're the balls in my mouth!" I mean come on. I think that generations need to be more responsible with their own pop-nomenclature, for the sake of our children.

Thank you, you've been a terrific audience.