Homeless People

Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? What is with the degradation in the quality of homeless people these days? I mean come on. . .

Now I'll admit, I wasn't alive in the 50s, but I'm pretty damn sure that homeless people back then were optimistic, helpful and respectful to their fellow citizens and city. They were a quiet, but respectable type who, despite being industrious and self-sufficient, lived for the amusement of others. Like The Tramp:


Homeless people these days are assholes. Instead of one indigenous breed, there seems to be new species popping up every day: The crazy; The bag-lady; The drunk; The person too old to be homeless. If it wasn't already, the age of chivalry is now truly dead.

Homeless people are starting to forget their role. They're supposed to go through our garbage at night, looking for scraps, so that I don't feel wasteful for leaving a little bit of popcorn in the bottom of the bag. They're supposed to be parked on a milk crate with a harmonica and a busted up top hat, singing songs about boxcars, and famous hobos. This, sadly, is not the homeless person as it exists today. And until it is, I'm keeping my change in my pocket.

Thank you, you've been a terrific audience.