The Perversion of Erotica

Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? What's the deal with people not using spank banks anymore? I mean come on.

I was in a 3rd-year English class, and somehow, my professor got onto the topic of masturbation. He confessed openly, of how in the 60s, he and his peers would use The Kinsey Report as erotica, under the guise of scientific research. It stirred within me, feelings and longing for a time lost.

My childhood, in the rural county.

The family computer.

The 56k modem.

Growing up, the options for erotica were limited, but the possibilities were endless. Sure, there was lingerie catalogues, suggestive music videos, cheap, late-night, soft-core porn and infomercials, but these were merely ingredients in the big dish. Every titillating sense, no matter how small, or impossible, was imported into the spank bank.

From it, there was no limit. Nobody saying ‘No’ or ‘Don’t Do That’ or ‘You’re Done Already?’. Just synapses rerouting wildly between gargantuan-titted chicks, spliced together of dead pornstars and Disney princesses. It was sometimes hard work trying to keep an image in your mind, but it was always worth it. It was always new, and it was always exciting.

I tried opening up the spank bank recently, and to my dismay, it was nearly bare. The maintenance of the spank bank is a time-honored tradition, and one that I feel I had personally forgotten. I am taking steps to reopen it, filling it with new ingredients, but of course, it’s not the fate of my own spank bank that I fear for, but the fate of future generations. The idea of a spank bank has become measurable in megabytes instead of memories, and there is something wrong with that. It’s too easy to forget the beginnings of male curiosity. It didn’t start at redtube or tube8. It didn’t begin with youporn or pornotube. Its beginnings were about more than a click of the mouse and a quick fap-crap-n-nap. There was a time when I fantasized about getting home from school so I could open up my bank, and see what I’d gotten that day. I’ve begun to see if I can bring these days back for myself, and although I’m a little rusty in practice, I feel it’s something important that I’m working towards.

Thank you, you've been a terrific audience.

Chat Roulette

Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? What's the deal with chat roulette. I mean, come on . . .

Okay, I know you more than likely have heard of chat roulette, and maybe you think this post is a little late on the topic, but I felt that to speak to the trend at the height of it's popularity would render the following to mere band-wagon status. It's been months since people were all flustered over the idea of being able to comfortably surf stranger's dicks, and so I think I can now speak on the topic with my own true, apt analysis.

First of all, I'll admit it, I've used chat roulette. Sober even, and I'm not ashamed. I try my best to stay as close to the forefront of internet culture as I possibly can, and so it was imperative that I spin the wheel to see how big of a dick it lands on. My use, however, was strictly scientific. I believe that everyone in the world has at least one exact twin. Although I'm not prevailingly religious or atheistic, I don't believe that God or Nature could come up with six billion different looking people. I mean that's just bologna. So, naturally, what better way to search for this twin of mine than on Chat Roulette. I was able to cycle through thousands of people, or perhaps I should say, heads, unsuccessfully searching for my twin (although I do feel as though I was close to finding him). So this is my main argument as to why Chat Roulette was such a phenomena.

I say was because it has significantly died in popularity. Although it still has a large user-base, it's heyday is over. Which is too bad, because I think it had a lot of promise. Only a few times did I dabble with fortune's wheel whilst enjoying a few drinks. It became popular as a meme like star wars kid, instead of as a tool like google. And that, in my opinion, is too damn bad.

Thank you, you've been a terrific audience.